


(things start to make a bit more sense)

by butterflyknifle



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-13
Updated: 2015-09-12
Packaged: 2018-04-20 12:13:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 1,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4786865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butterflyknifle/pseuds/butterflyknifle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a collection of original poetry, etc etc.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. (i miss september skies)

**Author's Note:**

> originally written april 6, 2015.

i.“are you afraid?” you close your eyes  
try not to breathe  
(the shadows are catching up to us now)

ii. i remember you tried not to cry, instead  
i held you for hours while you shook  
(don’t be afraid, it was only a lamp, they can’t touch you now)

iii.phone calls at midnight have never been good news  
you called last night to tell me you love me  
(i should’ve known not to pick up, you fall too hard too hard)

iv. statistically, they say, 2 out of 5 people like you will be abused  
statistically, i say, you have the worst fucking luck  
(but they’re not here anymore, those are only ghosts)

v. god, but i love you, god but i won’t let myself  
you are damaged goods you tell me on the phone  
(trust me, there’s nothing worth more to me than you)


	2. (fire)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally written june 10, 2015.

you mourn the death of the sun,

and i, with my burned hands

and scorched lungs told you,

run while you can.

and maybe you’ve had enough

of all the fire metaphors,

but how can i help it

when here you are

with your wildfire eyes,

and here i am

breathing you in.

and how is it fair to anyone

that you are burning yourself out?


	3. (i'd let you make a god of my image if it meant you would love me)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally written june 12, 2015.

_i’ll write you a story_ , you say, wide eyed

and more than a little

drunk and i say how, how

can you when i have heard them

all before

you tell me no, i haven’t

heard my own and i laugh

mine isn’t worth hearing i say

and then you laugh because

you think i’m lying

_i’ll write you_ , you say because

you’ve always been determined

_into adventures, thrillers and_

_the mundane_

_i’ll write you into galaxies, you_

_will be the space between the_

_stars-_

i interrupt you and laugh and say

baby i am already there-

_i’ll write you into the leaves_ , you continue,

_on trees that fall in the winter_

_and into_

_the words that_

_fall from my lips_

_i’ll write you larger than life_

_so you can be free_

_i’ll write you the way it felt_

_touching you for the first_

_time_

_baby i could write you_

_the happiness you deserve_ ,

you tell me.

_i could write hymns in the_

_shape of your being_

_i would worship at the_

_altar_

_of your_

_unholiness_

and i laugh and i tell you

no, you wouldn’t.


	4. (faith)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally written june 16, 2015.

i.

i want to destroy you.

tear you apart piece by piece

and later i will stitch you back together.

ii.

is this about trust?

i know it’s hard to hear, but

nothing about you is difficult to love.

iii.

i try not to promise you-

i know how you feel about promises.

but i will come home soon. i always do.

iv.

is this about love?

i know yours for me is unwavering

and you know mine for you is the same.

v.

is this about faith?

you know better than to ask

and i know better than to tell.

vi.

is this about faith?

you gave it all to me, after all.

remember, i didn’t ask you for it.


	5. (in the dark these shadows look more like ghosts)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally written june 16, 2015.

I get it, you know.  
                    You’re afraid.  
          Of the dark. The monsters that hide there  
                              waiting.  
                    Of loud noises and raised hands  
and those hard, cruel eyes. Always watching.  
                                                  But you’re never  
                                                            done  
                              Always more questions.  
                    (What are you scared of?)  
                                                  but I am not  
                    scared of anything.  
          (Everyone’s afraid of something)  
                              but I conquered my fear  
                    of burning houses  
                              and crumbling cities  
and hands around my neck long ago  
                              and really  
                    these days the only thing I have  
                                                  to fear  
                    is never being afraid of anything at all.

                    (But I will conquer that, too.)


	6. (he's a metaphor for love and i'm a metaphor for that feeling you get when)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally written june 17, 2015.

ONE.

Let’s say there’s a boy. We’ll call him Ryan. He’s not real. He’s a metaphor for everyone you’ve ever loved. Let’s say he’s dead. I know, it hurts. But remember, he is a metaphor for everyone you’ve loved, and everyone you’ve loved is dead, too. Here you are, standing on the bridge, the edge of a cliff, the roof of a building.

TWO.

You’re the only common factor. Maybe it’d be easier, people would love you then. But Ryan - the metaphor - assures you that people have always loved you. He’s required to say that. It’s in his job description.

THREE.

It goes like this - here you are. You’re the hero, remember. The building is burning, someone is screaming, and Ryan begs you not to go. Who do you listen to? Who do you love?

FOUR.

You feel like you’re drowning. Maybe you are. You were just on the bridge, on the rooftop. You blink, and yes, there’s the city. You blink again and the city is gone. Strong hands pull you out of the water, away from the edge. You hope it’s Ryan, but it’s not Ryan. Ryan is dead, remember?

FIVE.

Let’s say there’s a boy. His name is Ryan. He could be anyone - brown eyes, blue eyes, polo shirt or some T-shirt for some band you’ve never heard of. You’re not desperate, you’re not stupid.

SIX.

But, hypothetically. He could be somewhere. He might love you, he could be your cure. Remember, he is a metaphor for everyone you’ve ever loved.

SEVEN.

Give him your secrets. You take his humanity and you repay him with secrets. This is who you are.

EIGHT.

Give him your secrets - but you can’t. He’s dead, just like everyone else you’ve loved. The cart at the grocery store rolls, half-full, down the aisle. No one asks, no one tells.

It’s okay to be afraid. Even the ghosts get scared sometimes.

NINE.

Let’s say there’s a boy. His name is Ryan. He’s a metaphor. He can’t die, because you will always fall in love so he’s got plenty of people to represent. You want to pin him to a wall, maybe kiss him, definitely tell him you’re sorry. More importantly you want to tell him you love him.

TEN.

Go ahead. Fall in love. You were doing it anyway, standing on the cliff, the bridge, the rooftop preparing to jump. You were doing it anyway, and now you have a boy to jump for.

ELEVEN.

Go ahead. Tell the boy you love him. He’s desperate to hear it, even if he won’t say it back. You were doing it anyway.

TWELVE.

Let’s say there’s a boy. We’ll call him Ryan. He’s a symbol for everything you’ve lost. He pulls you back from the edge and tells you you’re making a terrible mistake. You laugh and you hug him and you jump with him. You’re not afraid, his fear is not contagious. And besides, the water is much better once you’re in.

THIRTEEN.

Jump. You were doing it anyway.


	7. (you know you're falling)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally written june 17, 2015.

i.  
it’s the cliff’s edge, Bella, and you’re jumping off.  
did you think there was water there to catch you?  
or was all of this intentional?

 

ii.  
you’re lying in the middle of the road, Bella.  
are you stupid? get up, Bella, you’ll get us  
both killed.

 

iii.  
it’s a house party now, flashing lights  
and loud music and setting fire  
to the kitchen stove.

 

iv.  
come on, Bella, do you think i’m stupid?  
i know you don’t love me. i know.  
you don’t have to tell me.

 

v.  
is this summer? or are we fading?  
i didn’t want to tell you, Bella,  
i never meant what i said.

 

vi.  
it’s too hot, Bella, and i’m burning alive.  
if this is a fairytale, aren’t you  
supposed to save me?

 

vii.  
it’s the cliff’s edge and you’re jumping off.  
did you think i was there to catch you?  
it’s okay. i know. you don’t have to tell me.


	8. (icarus)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally written june 19, 2015.

I want this to mean something.

Let it be - oh, I don’t know -

spiritual. Say you meant it. Say

I didn’t make it up.

Say I’m not crazy.

This could’ve been easy. We

could’ve made it easy.

The cliff was always there, Icarus,

it’s only the noticing of it

that made it tempting.


End file.
